What actually happens at a lifestyle (swingers) club?
Mostly socialising — people arrive, get drinks, dance, and talk, much like any nightclub or party. At on-premise clubs there are private and semi-private rooms where consenting people may play; at off-premise clubs there's no on-site play. There's no pressure to participate, and most first-timers spend the night watching and meeting people.
The reality is far more ordinary than the stereotype. Most of a night at a LifeStyle club looks like a regular party: arriving as a couple, getting drinks, dancing, and — above all — talking to people. The social part isn't a preamble to the 'real' event; for many attendees it is the event. Connections are made through conversation, and nothing physical happens without that groundwork.
Clubs come in two types. On-premise clubs have private and semi-private rooms where people who've connected may play on site; off-premise clubs are social-only venues where any play happens later, elsewhere. House rules are explicit and enforced: don't interrupt people who are playing, ask before joining anything, take no for an answer gracefully, no phones or photos, and keep what you saw discreet.
Crucially, there is no expectation that you do anything. Plenty of couples attend, socialise all night, and go home without playing — that's completely normal and not frowned upon. For a first visit, treating it as a social outing where watching and meeting people is the whole goal is exactly the right approach, and it's how most experienced couples started.