Paramour

Also: lover

An older, somewhat literary word for a romantic or sexual partner, used in some polyamory circles as a neutral name for a partner — and the root of the related term metamour.

1 min read · Reviewed 2026-05-24

Paramour predates modern polyamory by centuries — it historically meant a lover, often with a connotation of secrecy or affair. Some parts of the polyamory community have reclaimed it as a straightforward, slightly formal word for a romantic partner, useful precisely because it sidesteps the loaded hierarchy of primary and secondary.

Its main practical importance today is etymological: metamour — your partner's other partner — is built from the Greek meta (beyond) plus amour, and paramour sits in the same family. Understanding paramour helps make sense of the cluster of amour-based coinages the community uses, including polyamory itself.

Usage varies and the word is far from universal; many people simply say partner. Where paramour is used, it generally carries a warm, affectionate register rather than a clinical one.

Where this term fits in the wider picture

Ethical non-monogamy is a network of overlapping practices, identities, and structures — and Paramour connects to several of them. The neighbouring terms below show how this one sits alongside the rest of the vocabulary practitioners actually use; the guide at the end is the longer-form treatment of the same territory.

Closely-related vocabulary

Metamour
Your partner's other partner. Your partner-in-law, in a sense — a person you are connected to through a shared partner but are not themselves partnered with.
Polyamory
The practice of, or willingness to engage in, multiple loving romantic relationships, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Primary partner
In hierarchical polyamory, the partner with the most entwined life — shared household, finances, often parenting — and typically the highest agreed claim on time and life decisions.
Secondary partner
In hierarchical polyamory, a partner with less life-entwinement than the primary — meaningful relationship, less infrastructure-sharing.
Anchor partner
A non-hierarchical term for a partner with deep practical entwinement — shared home, finances, decisions — without designating other relationships as lesser.

Continue reading

The longer treatment of this territory is in the guide What is ethical non-monogamy? A clear primer for adults thinking it through — An honest, plain-language introduction to ethical non-monogamy — what it is, what it isn't, the configurations it covers, and the questions it asks of you.

New to ethical non-monogamy? Start with the glossary for vocabulary, the structures index for the named relationship configurations practitioners actually use, and the guides for longer-form treatment of the common questions.