Metamour

Also: meta

Your partner's other partner. Your partner-in-law, in a sense — a person you are connected to through a shared partner but are not themselves partnered with.

1 min read · Reviewed 2026-05-20

Metamour is the term for a person who is your partner's partner but is not also your partner. If your partner Alex is also dating Sam, then Sam is your metamour. The relationship between metamours is real even though it is mediated: they share a partner, they share some level of awareness of each other's lives, and many of the practical questions of polyamory are negotiated between metamours rather than between partners.

The flavour of a metamour relationship varies. In a kitchen-table polyamory style, metamours may become close friends; in parallel polyamory, they may know of each other but never meet; in garden-party polyamory, they are cordial at shared events without forming friendships. Many polycules contain a mix — some metamours close, others distant.

The relationship between metamours often determines how livable a polycule is. Even in parallel arrangements, metamours typically need to be at minimum non-hostile; in any structure that involves shared spaces, shared friends, shared children, or shared logistics, the metamour relationship has to be genuinely workable.

Etymology: from the Greek meta- (beyond, with) and the Latin amor (love), constructed on the same model as polyamory. The shortened 'meta' is in common use, sometimes confusing because it overlaps with other meanings of the prefix.

Where this term fits in the wider picture

Ethical non-monogamy is a network of overlapping practices, identities, and structures — and Metamour connects to several of them. The neighbouring terms below show how this one sits alongside the rest of the vocabulary practitioners actually use; the guide at the end is the longer-form treatment of the same territory.

Closely-related vocabulary

Compersion
The felt-sense of joy at a partner's joy with another partner — sometimes described as the emotional opposite of jealousy.
Polycule
The web of romantic connections between a group of people — the network you would draw if you sketched everyone's relationships as nodes and edges.
Kitchen-table polyamory
A polyamory style in which the people across a polycule — partners and metamours — can comfortably hang out together, share meals, and share friendships.
Parallel polyamory
A polyamory style in which partners and metamours intentionally do not socialise — each relationship runs on its own track without intersection.

Questions practitioners actually ask about this

Continue reading

The longer treatment of this territory is in the guide What is ethical non-monogamy? A clear primer for adults thinking it through — An honest, plain-language introduction to ethical non-monogamy — what it is, what it isn't, the configurations it covers, and the questions it asks of you.

New to ethical non-monogamy? Start with the glossary for vocabulary, the structures index for the named relationship configurations practitioners actually use, and the guides for longer-form treatment of the common questions.